Marriages are made in heaven, this is exactly what we have been hearing since we have tried to understand the concept of relationships. As we grew up this phrase seems to be losing its power and its simplicity at a rapid pace. The next question that pops up is, will our marriage sustain? Well, right now there is no answer to this question. It can only be answered after getting married.
But right now what we can answer is “Why Marriages Fail?” It takes two people to build a relationship and eventually a home. If one of them is not happy or satisfied, the strongest of bonds also tend to lose their essence over a period of time. A lot of things happen in 25 years of marriage that only couples who are experiencing it can understand and based on it they decide to stay together or part ways.
The popular example of a marriage falling apart after 27 years is of Bill & Melinda Gates. Though they have tried to maintain silence on the real reasons for getting a divorce, there have been a lot of talks going on among the people. We don’t know if they are true or are just baseless allegations, we are no one to judge them.
Before we get to the failing marriages part, let’s put some light on a couple of reasons why people try to stay together in a marriage even when there is no love or understanding between them.
Social status
Maintaining a social status is one of the most important reasons why couples plan to stay together forever. “What would people say?” is the most common phrase that comes to mind when we think of a divorce. The fear of getting ignored or sidelined by our social circle is normal in the kind of society we live in. The word of mouth that helped us in our business to grow can change quickly when we take such a huge step. In short, they start judging us. To be honest, who would want to risk their career or business due to a divorce. So instead get rid of this society before your spouse.
Financial dependency
In a country like India where more than 60% of women are dependant on their husbands can never think of a divorce. Even if the husband wants a divorce they would never agree to do that. Some women decide to stay in a marriage even if they know their husband is cheating on them because they don’t have an option.
Similarly, men who are dependant on their wives will never leave them, they are ready to do whatever their wives ask them to do.
However, apart from these reasons, there are some honest reasons why marriages fail after so many years, which people ignore and don’t want to accept easily.
When you’re rich and successful you become a different person
The harsh truth is being rich is one of the major factors why people separate. It takes a lifetime to build everything you have ever dreamed of. Once you achieve everything you wanted from your life you don’t need someone who points out your mistakes and argues with you. You can buy anything you want, you can travel wherever you want and above all, you can find someone who you can control very easily. Money and success give you an upper hand over any other human being. You want to live your life on your terms without compromising on anything.
It’s sad that people forget the hardships their spouses have also dealt with you along with you through so many years.
Extramarital affairs
Extramarital affairs take a long time to turn into a real relationship or even marriage. The number of people and families involved in one marriage makes it very difficult for a person to just get up and leave it one morning. Most of the affairs end in a short period of time but if it stays for longer then probably people are in true love. However, we cannot control love but we wait for the right time to separate.
Also read – The need to normalize Divorce & Separation
Kids
Kids are the most vulnerable when their parents decide to separate. The amount of stress that builds up before separation has a negative impact on kids. It’s really hard to be in a house where people are always fighting. Both the parents are important for a child to grow and when one has to leave it becomes difficult for a child to display true emotions to just one. Knowing this a lot of couples decide to stay together for the sake of kids. Once the kid becomes an adult they separate.
Enough of trying
People try and try and try again until they realize that separating from someone you really loved is a much better thing to do than to hang on forever. Sometimes it is also about self-esteem where we feel, we cannot separate from a person we gave up everything for. Going back to our friends and family who warned us to not get married. So we keep trying until we become happily ever after. But this does not happen, the more we try the more we disturb ourselves. And finally, after years of trying, we realize it was not worth the effort and we decide to separate. We should never take our wrong decisions to our heart and try to make them better instead we should accept the truth and move on.
Emotional abandonment
What we’re talking about here is emotional abandonment. Instead of physically leaving the relationship, your spouse simply checks out emotionally. They stop investing in the marriage, leaving you feeling disconnected and unwanted. You can sense the partner distancing themselves away from you. This emotional abandonment can happen at any phase of your marriage. It is very important to maintain emotional attachment with your partner for a successful marriage. So talk it out immediately when you feel them distancing away.
There are more reasons for failed marriages like loneliness, abusive marriage, inactive sex life and personal factors which they would never want to discuss. We can only hope for a successful marriage where both the partners are happy and willing to spend life together. For everything else, there is always an option of divorce, if that makes your life happier and healthier.
For some, marriages are not made in heaven, divorces are.